Photo © 2011 Gerald Pereira CC BY 2.0
Something a little different today. I signed up to take part in Tony Noland’s Great April Fool’s Day #FridayFlash Blogswap. Tony paired me up with Danielle La Paglia, who has in gracious silence endured my haphazard attempt at keeping to a deadline.
(Oy. Just be thankful you’re not my publisher.)
Danielle and I both wrote a story around the same prompt. I’m posting hers here, and she’s posting my story over on her blog. Tony gave us the following prompt to inspire our stories: “three free tickets to a movie.”
-TimK
Substitute
Sandy fingered the tickets in her coat pocket, sliding their slick backs together as she stared at the house. It had seemed like such a good idea when she’d stopped by the theater two days ago, but the thin slips of paper felt inadequate and meaningless now. What good were three free tickets when they’d lost so much? She thought of putting the car in drive and heading home, but John stepped onto the porch and waived. There was no turning back.
A gust of wind whipped her hair across her face as she stepped from the car. The icy blast beat against her exposed cheeks and sent a flurry of snowflakes into the car before she could slam the door shut. Even the wind knew it was a bad idea.
She ran to the shelter of the porch, hoping to sneak a quick hug from John, a small shot of courage and comfort to push her through. But Maddy shoved the screen door open and ushered her siblings onto the porch. Sorrow hung on them like a heavy cloak, paling their skin, darkening the shadows in their eyes. Even seven-year-old Emily had lost her sparkle. The bright pink smile she used to wear was a soft peach line tugged down at the corners.
Sandy knew she was a poor substitute for the mother they’d lost. She wasn’t trying to replace her. She only hoped to give them a break from the reality that had been forced upon them, even if it was only for a few hours. But seeing their somber expressions, she felt the sting of her mistake. Only time would make it better, not her, not this. She wanted to run, make a hasty retreat and leave them to what was left of their broken family, but John spoke.
“You girls behave and try to have a good time.” He hugged each one in turn then Maddy hustled them down the steps. “Thank you,” he said and squeezed Sandy’s hand. They’d been dating nearly a year and, despite the three-year-old divorce settlement, it was still hard on the girls. Sandy gave a weak smile then jogged to the car.
They rode in near silence to the theater. Each of Sandy’s attempts at conversation were shut down with a one-word answer or a half-hearted nod. Resigned to their silence, she turned on the radio and let the music try to warm the stale atmosphere instead.
As they stepped into the lobby, Emily and Sarah’s faces brightened. At seven and nine, they were amazed at the beauty of the grand theater, pointing to heavy velvet curtains held back with gold ropes and the scrolling wood ornaments decorating the walls. Then they lifted their faces in wonder at the elaborately painted ceiling. The knot in Sandy’s stomach loosened until her eyes met Maddy’s. The fourteen-year-old’s face was set in a cold stare. It took all of Sandy’s strength to stand her ground and force a smile.
An usher finally led them to their seats where they once again sat in silence with only the occasional whisper from the little ones pointing out some new discovery. The house lights eventually dimmed and a hush fell over the audience. The first bars of music filled the room. The curtain rose, and the ballerinas took the stage.
Emily and Sarah were spellbound. Their eyes glued to the dancers—children twirled across the stage, tin soldiers came to life, and a sugar plum fairy enchanted them all. The glow in their eyes raised a lump in Sandy’s throat. She’d done the right thing. And as the saying went, two out of three wasn’t bad.
Emily and Sarah’s giggles and high-pitched chatter filled the car on the ride home, a warm contrast to the start of their journey. When they pulled into the driveway, the wind had died, leaving a peaceful blanket of snow across the yard and roof top. The younger girls clutched their shiny red nutcrackers and hugged Sandy goodbye. Again Maddy ushered them through the door as John and Sandy stood on the porch.
“Thank you for this. Their smiles…” His voice cracked; tears glistened in his eyes.
“You’re welcome.” He kissed her cheek then followed the girls inside. She was almost to the car when the screen door slammed behind her. She spun to find Maddy jogging down the steps.
“Sandy?” Her face was softer, her eyes wider, more innocent somehow.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.” Maddy gave a soft smile then ran back into the house.
Sandy stood beside her car letting the words of a child warm her. Today wasn’t a substitute, but it had been a welcome reprieve, and that was more than enough for her.
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My name is Mike, a normal American guy, and in the year 2018 I accidentally discovered one of the
weirdest sports on Earth: CarJitsu.
If you have never heard of it, don’t worry.
The entire concept sounds like a comedy sketch.
Two fighters climb inside a small car and try to score positions
against each other while being trapped between the dashboard and seats.
Believe it or not. In most sports you have a court, but in CarJitsu your battlefield is the inside of a vehicle.
That is why people laugh when they first hear about it.
There are organized competitions, tournaments, championships, and special
events. Competitors come from different places and try to prove who can dominate inside the
car. Different from most athletic competitions, every movement is limited by doors, seats, windows, and seat belts.
That creates hilarious moments. One second someone
looks like a champion, and the next second they are folded like a pretzel.
Back then I was heavily interested in sports. I watched football, basketball, MMA, and wrestling.
I also spent time reading about sportsbook odds. Many sports fans
I knew compared sportsbook offers. Sometimes names like the sportsbook 1xbet would appear in conversations about major sporting events, although CarJitsu
was usually too strange to be the main topic.
One night I saw a video clip online. At first I thought it was satire.
Full-grown athletes were trying to battle inside a parked car while spectators were
laughing, cheering, and recording videos. I laughed so hard that I couldn’t breathe for a moment.
Yet the more I watched, the more fascinated I became.
A few weeks later, I found a local event and decided to show
up. The atmosphere was incredible. There were fans discussing sports, training,
and competition. Some people even joked about which athlete would be the favorite
if a sportsbook ever offered odds on the matches.
Eventually I wanted to participate. I signed up for beginner training.
My debut practice was chaos. I hit my head on the roof, got stuck near a seat,
and accidentally opened a door at the worst possible moment.
Everyone laughed. Yet I kept coming back.
Week after week, I improved. I learned how to use positioning, leverage,
balance, and timing. The cramped cabin became my arena. Soon I was entering regional
events. My friends thought I was completely crazy.
Whenever someone asked what sport I practiced, the conversation usually
went like this:
“CarJitsu.”
“What is that?”
“Imagine wrestling inside a car.”
“You’re joking.”
“No, that’s the actual sport.”
The funniest and wildest experience happened during a tournament a few years later.
My opponent was massive. He looked like he could carry an engine block.
Before the match started, he smiled and said, “You’re going to need luck.” I knew trouble was coming.
The match began, chaos exploded. We bounced between seats, bumped into doors, and nearly
tangled ourselves in everything inside the vehicle. The crowd
was roaring. Everyone was losing their minds.
Then came the moment I will never forget.
My opponent grabbed the car seat belt and accidentally turned it into what looked like a crazy lasso.
As we struggled for position, the belt snapped across the cabin and wrapped around me
in the strangest way imaginable. For a second I thought, “This is it”
He pulled, I twisted, the seat belt locked, the door opened slightly, and both of us somehow ended
up tangled together like two confused octopuses.
The audience was laughing so hard that some people could barely stay in their
seats. It looked completely ridiculous.
For a brief moment, I genuinely thought my opponent was going to flatten me.
Thankfully, the officials quickly intervened when things became unsafe, and the situation was resolved without serious injury.
Afterward we both burst out laughing. Everyone loved it. Even today people who were
there still talk about “the seat belt incident.”
Thinking about my journey, CarJitsu remains one
of the strangest sports I have ever experienced.
It gave me friendships, stories, and unforgettable memories.
Whether people are discussing athletic entertainment, very few things create reactions like CarJitsu.
If anybody asks for the weirdest sport I know, I always tell them about the day I climbed into a car in 2018 and accidentally became
a CarJitsu competitor. The reaction is always the same. But after hearing about tournaments,
athletes, training sessions, sports fans, betting conversations, sportsbook discussions, and my unforgettable seat belt battle, they usually agree on one thing:
CarJitsu might be the craziest sport ever invented.
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