Photo © 2011 Gerald Pereira CC BY 2.0
Something a little different today. I signed up to take part in Tony Noland’s Great April Fool’s Day #FridayFlash Blogswap. Tony paired me up with Danielle La Paglia, who has in gracious silence endured my haphazard attempt at keeping to a deadline.
(Oy. Just be thankful you’re not my publisher.)
Danielle and I both wrote a story around the same prompt. I’m posting hers here, and she’s posting my story over on her blog. Tony gave us the following prompt to inspire our stories: “three free tickets to a movie.”
-TimK
Substitute
Sandy fingered the tickets in her coat pocket, sliding their slick backs together as she stared at the house. It had seemed like such a good idea when she’d stopped by the theater two days ago, but the thin slips of paper felt inadequate and meaningless now. What good were three free tickets when they’d lost so much? She thought of putting the car in drive and heading home, but John stepped onto the porch and waived. There was no turning back.
A gust of wind whipped her hair across her face as she stepped from the car. The icy blast beat against her exposed cheeks and sent a flurry of snowflakes into the car before she could slam the door shut. Even the wind knew it was a bad idea.
She ran to the shelter of the porch, hoping to sneak a quick hug from John, a small shot of courage and comfort to push her through. But Maddy shoved the screen door open and ushered her siblings onto the porch. Sorrow hung on them like a heavy cloak, paling their skin, darkening the shadows in their eyes. Even seven-year-old Emily had lost her sparkle. The bright pink smile she used to wear was a soft peach line tugged down at the corners.
Sandy knew she was a poor substitute for the mother they’d lost. She wasn’t trying to replace her. She only hoped to give them a break from the reality that had been forced upon them, even if it was only for a few hours. But seeing their somber expressions, she felt the sting of her mistake. Only time would make it better, not her, not this. She wanted to run, make a hasty retreat and leave them to what was left of their broken family, but John spoke.
“You girls behave and try to have a good time.” He hugged each one in turn then Maddy hustled them down the steps. “Thank you,” he said and squeezed Sandy’s hand. They’d been dating nearly a year and, despite the three-year-old divorce settlement, it was still hard on the girls. Sandy gave a weak smile then jogged to the car.
They rode in near silence to the theater. Each of Sandy’s attempts at conversation were shut down with a one-word answer or a half-hearted nod. Resigned to their silence, she turned on the radio and let the music try to warm the stale atmosphere instead.
As they stepped into the lobby, Emily and Sarah’s faces brightened. At seven and nine, they were amazed at the beauty of the grand theater, pointing to heavy velvet curtains held back with gold ropes and the scrolling wood ornaments decorating the walls. Then they lifted their faces in wonder at the elaborately painted ceiling. The knot in Sandy’s stomach loosened until her eyes met Maddy’s. The fourteen-year-old’s face was set in a cold stare. It took all of Sandy’s strength to stand her ground and force a smile.
An usher finally led them to their seats where they once again sat in silence with only the occasional whisper from the little ones pointing out some new discovery. The house lights eventually dimmed and a hush fell over the audience. The first bars of music filled the room. The curtain rose, and the ballerinas took the stage.
Emily and Sarah were spellbound. Their eyes glued to the dancers—children twirled across the stage, tin soldiers came to life, and a sugar plum fairy enchanted them all. The glow in their eyes raised a lump in Sandy’s throat. She’d done the right thing. And as the saying went, two out of three wasn’t bad.
Emily and Sarah’s giggles and high-pitched chatter filled the car on the ride home, a warm contrast to the start of their journey. When they pulled into the driveway, the wind had died, leaving a peaceful blanket of snow across the yard and roof top. The younger girls clutched their shiny red nutcrackers and hugged Sandy goodbye. Again Maddy ushered them through the door as John and Sandy stood on the porch.
“Thank you for this. Their smiles…” His voice cracked; tears glistened in his eyes.
“You’re welcome.” He kissed her cheek then followed the girls inside. She was almost to the car when the screen door slammed behind her. She spun to find Maddy jogging down the steps.
“Sandy?” Her face was softer, her eyes wider, more innocent somehow.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.” Maddy gave a soft smile then ran back into the house.
Sandy stood beside her car letting the words of a child warm her. Today wasn’t a substitute, but it had been a welcome reprieve, and that was more than enough for her.
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My name is Mike, a regular guy from the USA, and in the year 2018 I accidentally discovered one of the weirdest sports on Earth: CarJitsu.
If you have never heard of it, you are not alone. The entire concept sounds like a joke.
Two competitors climb inside a tiny automobile
and try to control each other while being trapped between the dashboard and seats.
Yes, really. In most sports you have a court, but in CarJitsu your battlefield
is the inside of a vehicle. This is what shocked me the first time.
The sport has tournaments, championships, local events, and exhibition matches.
Competitors come from different places and try to prove who can adapt best
to the strange environment. Compared to ordinary sports, every movement is limited by
doors, seats, windows, and seat belts. That
creates hilarious moments. One second someone looks
like a champion, and the next second they are stuck between the seats.
Back then I was heavily interested in unusual athletic events.
I watched football, basketball, MMA, and wrestling.
I also spent time reading about betting markets. People around
me talked about betting and sportsbooks. Sometimes names like 1xBet would appear in conversations about
major sporting events, although CarJitsu was usually too strange to be the main topic.
Late one evening I saw a crazy highlight reel online.
I honestly assumed it was fake. Grown adults were trying to grapple inside
a parked car while spectators were going crazy with
excitement. I laughed so hard that I couldn’t breathe for
a moment. Yet the more I watched, the more fascinated I became.
A few weeks later, I found a local event and decided to
attend. The event was unforgettable. There were fans discussing all kinds of sporting topics.
Some people even joked about which athlete would be the favorite if a
betting site ever offered odds on the matches.
Eventually I wanted to participate. I signed up for beginner training.
My debut practice was chaos. I hit my head on the roof, got
stuck near a seat, and accidentally opened a
door at the worst possible moment. The coaches laughed.
Yet I kept coming back.
Month after month, I improved. I learned how to use smart tactics instead of brute strength.
The car stopped feeling tiny. Soon I was entering regional events.
My friends thought I was completely crazy.
Whenever someone asked what sport I practiced, the conversation usually went like this:
“CarJitsu.”
“What is that?”
“Imagine wrestling inside a car.”
“You’re joking.”
“No, that’s the actual sport.”
The craziest match of my career came later.
My opponent was built like a truck. He looked like he could carry an engine block.
Before the match started, he smiled and said, “Good luck.” I knew
trouble was coming.
The moment the referee signaled, chaos exploded.
We bounced between seats, bumped into doors,
and nearly tangled ourselves in everything inside the vehicle.
The crowd was roaring. Everyone was losing their minds.
Then came the moment I will never forget.
My opponent grabbed the belt hanging beside the seat and accidentally
turned it into what looked like a dangerous rope.
As we struggled for position, the belt snapped across the cabin and wrapped around me in the strangest way imaginable.
For a second I thought, “What kind of sport did I join?”
He pulled, I twisted, the seat belt locked, the door opened slightly, and
both of us somehow ended up tangled together like human spaghetti.
The audience was laughing so hard that some people
could barely stay in their seats. Nobody could believe what they were seeing.
For a brief moment, I genuinely thought my opponent was going
to flatten me. Luckily, the officials quickly intervened when things became unsafe,
and the situation was resolved without serious injury.
Afterward we both burst out laughing. Spectators cheered.
Even today people who were there still talk about “that crazy seat belt match.”
Thinking about my journey, CarJitsu remains one of the most unusual sports I have
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Whenever someone asks me about unusual sports, I always tell them about
the day I climbed into a car in 2018 and accidentally
became a CarJitsu competitor. Nobody believes it at first.
But after hearing about tournaments, athletes,
training sessions, sports fans, betting conversations, sportsbook discussions, and my unforgettable seat belt battle,
they usually agree on one thing:
CarJitsu is wonderfully ridiculous.
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